I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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