Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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