Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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