she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize