i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My balls are so social today.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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