I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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