The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
