I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
