I love black thongs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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