I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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