Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
