I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
