I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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