She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
