Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
