i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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