I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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