Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize