I look better un-naked...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
