Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
