i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
