Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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