The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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