and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
