I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
