she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
