He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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