is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
