I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
These tits shall not be calmed
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