had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
