He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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