You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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