cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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