A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
