i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
me + whiskey = a bad person
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
