Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just puked most of my soul out..
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