So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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