just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
