my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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