I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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