Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
