Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
