be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
