i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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