my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
