pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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