He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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