Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
