I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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