My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
