i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
