I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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