The police scanner is talking about you again....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
