I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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