She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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