I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
