There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
