Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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