They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
