I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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