I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
