I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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