I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I just put wine in my tea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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