Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
