why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
