it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
