I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
