just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
