yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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