I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
