it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
