No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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