Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
