His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
