it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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