i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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