marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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