I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
