Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
