I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
