I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
