3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
