Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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