So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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