You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
