Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
