but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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