her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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