don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
