I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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