It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think people are normalizing furries
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
