i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
