If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
