You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
