yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
